The Dreaded Post

I have been putting this post off for months but I want to document this because I am already forgetting some of the details.

We had a family get together to celebrate my Grandpa's 89th birthday at the end of February.

It was the first time we all were together as a family since my grandma's funeral a couple days after Christmas. It was hard having a family gathering and she not be there. She LOVED her family and was so proud of all of us. She had a way of making you feel so special. I have dreaded blogging about her passing and my miscarriage but it definitely needs to be documented.

So here it goes... On December 8th grandma suffered a stroke and was admitted to the hospital. That same day I had gone to the doctor for a checkup a week earlier then scheduled because I had been having some spotting...which isn't a good sign when pregnant and I had miscarried 6 months earlier. I was 6 or 7 weeks pregnant. The ultrasound showed no heartbeat but a fetus. I wasn't to concerned since I could have been off a week or so on how far along I was. So they scheduled me to come back in a week.

Grandma and me

The next day we where giving encouraging news that Grandma was doing better and would have some therapy and be able to go home in more or less 6 weeks....I hope I remember all this right.... But later that week she had turned for the worse. I remember my sister calling me crying that Friday and I thought she was calling to tell me that Grandma had passed away. But they were just calling the family in to discuss options with the doctor. We all took shifts at her bedside and had family member/s with her around the clock. I didn't think she would make it through the weekend. Because of her age and frailty with the stroke it didn't look very good. Her heart had been working on 30% the last year and if I remember right was working on even less then that after her stroke. So with either condition it was bad but with both against her it was worse. She was so frail and weak sometimes telling us about her past and other times not remembering where she was and wanting to get out of bed b/c she needed to fix dinner....which she was way to weak to get out of bed even if she wanted too. She made it through the weekend and the hospital made arrangements for her to move to a nursing home. The hospital said there was nothing else they could do for her so the choices were to take her home and have hospice come in or go to the nursing home that grandpa had gone to a couple months before due to falling at home and getting hurt.

Our family loves to play games and Grandma always seemed to win...especially in Dominos. One time within the last 2 years she stayed up till 2 am to watch Jennifer and me play our cousins in a game of Canasta. She was so content to just watch us play just so she could be around us. The last game I played with her was Farkle the day after Thanksgiving.

On Tuesday I went back to the doctor for a 2nd ultrasound. At that ultrasound it showed no change in the fetus and still no heartbeat. At that time we were giving 3 options. To schedule a D&C, take a pill that would make me miscarry, or wait. We choose to wait. At that appointment I was not as hopeful and even busted into tears afterwards. But we choose to put it in God's hands and wait it out.

Grandma made quilts for all of her kids and grandkids...this is mom's quilt

My quilt

This is Jennifer's quilt.

It seemed that Grandma was doing good in the nursing home and they even had her in a wheelchair. I didn't get to see her in the nursing home during the week since she was 50 miles away and I thought she was doing well enough that I could wait and see her that weekend. My mom sent me a text Saturday morning that said, "Grandma won't wake up." My Aunt Mary had gone in to see her that morning and Grandma didn't respond to her and wouldn't wake up. Her body went into a coma and was functioning just enough to keep her alive. The nursing home was great to give us a room all to ourselves so we could be with her but we had to have a family member with her all the time. We were now responsible to take care of her but they where still great about checking on us and taking care of Grandma's physical needs. I didn't want to leave her bedside I was worried that when I came back she wouldn't be there. I ended up staying all weekend taking shifts and left to go back home Monday. She never woke up or really responded to anything we did. They didn't give her an IV because it would put to much strain on her heart.

The next day I had another ultrasound scheduled that showed the same thing as the other 2 ultrasounds. I had started bleeding more that day and had some cramping. I went back to Cabot that night to give Jessie to his dad for his Christmas holiday and I went to visit Grandma. I didn't end up staying long because my cramps where getting really bad. As soon as I got home I jumped in the shower hoping it would help me feel better and by that time I was bleeding heavily. I ended up miscarrying less then 10 minutes after getting out of the shower, it was December 22nd.

Two days later, on Christmas Eve, we had received a lot of rain and the roads where flooded. I was suppose to get Jessie back for our Christmas holiday and was worried I wouldn't be able to make the drive to get him. Traffic was backed up and not moving due to the highways flooding. By mid afternoon the water started receding enough so traffic was moving and I was able to head to Cabot. On my way there my mom called and told me that Grandma had passed. Even though I knew it was going to happen it was still hard to accept. I still have a hard time accepting it and it has been over 4 months. She was the BEST grandma and I am so privileged to have known her! She was passionate about God and her family! She made the best chocolate pie. And she loved her in laws and grand in laws like they where her own! She is GREATLY missed but I know is having the BEST time in Heaven!

Grandma's Graduation Picture

The last picture I took of grandma, with my sons Joshua and Noah, and my cousin Deagan.

This was at our Thanksgiving family gathering.